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Troll 2

Ok, where do i start? How about, This films sucks so hard it would put a Dyson out of business.

One was not enough? It fucking was until you came along you pile of shit!

I think you get the point. The movie stars fucking no one who I have never seen, seriously. Apparently the “actors”, and I use that term very, very loosely people, rang up the director to only be extras in the film which kind of explains this shit fest.

The movie starts out with some old fuck talking to his grandson about a bloke who sees loads of little fuckers that look like something Stephen Hawking threw together with his face, they are goblins or something, and this film has nothing to do with the original so why its called troll 2 I haven’t got a clue.

This bloke who sees the goblins faints or gets knocked down or something, wakes up to see a really nice looking woman looking over him and she starts feeding him this green shit that if you saw it you’d be like BITCH YOU BETTER GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN, no seriously though you would tell her to fuck off. To cut a long story short he eats it and starts sweating and the sweat turns out to be goblin blood and the bloke turns into a plant, that’s right a plant.

I swear to god I am not lying when I tell you these are the "Trolls" or "Goblins" Fuck off director.

The old man who is telling the young boy the story suddenly vanishes when the young boys mum comes into his room and it turns out he’s dead and has been for 6 months or something. The rest of the film is just poorly acted bullshit that doesn’t keep you watching for very long which is funny because a film about goblins and people turning into plants should keep you entertained for a time, but no it doesn’t. By far the best bit of the film is when some four eyed prick sees his bitch getting eaten by the goblins and he screams OH MY GOD for about 30 seconds.

The iconic OH MY GOD! guy

I can understand that this film has garnered a cult following because of how shit it is but me personally i just think its absolute shite. When people slated how shit it was the director tried to palm off that the film was about society or something?! Come on now mr director don’t try to feed the public that bogus bullshit, your film sucks more dick than Ricky Martin before he came out.

All in all don’t watch this film unless you are so stoned you can barely move and you can’t be bothered to change the channel.

Review: 0.5/5  The .5 just for the OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDD!

Stay beautiful.


One response

  1. Really well written atclrie. Every Pixar movie has an iconic moment the first 20 minutes of Wall-E are testament to their mastery of cinema, not just animation. And UP, well again the first 20 minutes is some of the most moving cinema I’ve seen in years I cried in the cinema a first for me.That Pixar make such stunning animation is almost secondary to the fact they make great movies, period. I couldn’t split these two titles well done at having managed to do so!

    December 12, 2012 at 1:18 PM

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