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The Immortals


If you like 300, you know the one with “THIS IS SPARTA” then you will probably like this.

The film is about Greek mythology and it does it well for the most part. The film stars Henry Cavill as Theseus and he’s a fuckin bad ass in this film, also stars Mickey Rourke you know the guy who always looks like he’s on borrowed time but year after year he cheats death in a game of connect 4.

The basis of the film is Theseus has got to slap up the villain who is King Hyperion who wants to unleash the Titans, The Titans, in this film, aren’t the hulking colossi we have seen in other Greek myth movies but are rather human sized balls of fuck you up. The film starts out with a narration about before humans there were Immortals who realised they could kill each other, a war breaks out and the winners became gods (Zeus, Apollo, Athena and Ares) the losers became the Titans and had to be sealed in this box thing that makes them look like they are players on a fussball table. That’s where King Hyperion comes in, he searches all over the place for an oracle who can see into the future so she can tell him where the Epirus Bow which can generate energy arrows (so much for them basic wood arrows) and can pretty much destroy an army, if he gets hold of this then we are FUCKED!

Awesome Bow!

The bow is the only thing that can release the Titans and Hyperion wants to release them so they can kill the Gods because they didn’t listen to him when he asked them to spare his family from disease and death, which they ignored, so now he’s fuming like Amy Winehouse’s funeral director.

The film is quite good but for me the gore is something else, there is a moment in the film where you will literally say OH SHIT out loud I swear to god its awesome. The film does take a while to get into it and for some reason when you think there is going to be an awesome moment when the music hits a Crescendo there isn’t it’s just a man pacing up and down and its wasted.

The film is not bad by any means and I did enjoy it but I wish there was more moments of awesome involved because that’s what you need in a film like this, not a massive build up just for an old man to throw a towel on the floor. It’s definitely worth a watch if you are a fan of greek mythology or awesome gore and the 3D is not bad at all. My one major dig at the film is that Theseus is known for killing the Minotaur, In this film  it’s just a man with barbed wire on his head shaped like a bull, that pissed me off I was hoping to see half man half bull but no just a silly hat.

Yeah, stupid.

OH I almost forgot the helmets or hats in this film are down right ridonkulous, proper stupid so yeah only digs at the film really.

"Take that silly hat off!"

Review: 3/5  It’s not bad some sloppy moments with the music and man throws towel on floor but the violence and awesome moments will keep you satisfied for a time.

Stay Beautiful.

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